


I Believe In Father Christmas

by fairlightscales



Series: 33 and 1/3 [7]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apologies, Christmas, Christmas Magic, F/M, Parenthood, Reconciliation, Ross and Dem, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 20:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairlightscales/pseuds/fairlightscales
Summary: I wish you a hopeful ChristmasI wish you a brave new yearAll anguish, pain and sadnessLeave your heart and let your road be clearThey said there'll be snow at ChristmasThey said there'll be peace on earthHallelujah, Noel be it heaven or hellThe Christmas we get we deserveGreg Lake1975Not a ruby brooch or a garnet necklace but the one prize that every musician and music label in the 1970s coveted- Christmas Number One
Relationships: Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark
Series: 33 and 1/3 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1420387
Comments: 24
Kudos: 36





	I Believe In Father Christmas

November 1975

The trouble with being booked on Top Of The Pops is, though you know the day you are meant to turn up, the waiting is endless. The BBC never says, 'we'll record you at such and such a time', like sensible people. You just sit, waylaid for hours, until it's your turn.  
Ross sat, nursing a glass of brandy-one glass, he was nervous and did not want to be off his game-in the BBC studio headquarters, waiting, waiting, waiting. Ross disliked waiting. Ross disliked miming and felt he didn't do it convincingly. He had to be perfect today. Even though cameras and the men operating them would be shoved near his face and up against his guitar for close ups, he had to look like he was singing, convincingly, to an audience of one.  
He had not burned all his bridges, it seemed. A couple years earlier, the group, Slade, released a song called 'Merry Xmas Everybody', which went to number one at Christmas week. That began a fashion for the record labels to get a holiday song in front of the public, in November, for a chance at the last number one song of the year. EMI were willing to take a chance on springing a Christmas single and Ross suggested an acoustic version of a song he'd written for Demelza a few years ago. Demelza's Cornish name meant 'thy sweetness' and Ross wrote a love song that had been on the second side of Resurgam's third album. That album suffered in sales because of a scandal about the band. Dwight had an affair with the wife of one of Resurgam's roadies. When the affair was discovered, Mark Daniel, the husband, strangled his wife to death. The ensuing manhunt and the lurid violence, put the record buying public off. It was an old song but not well known. Ross decided to dust it off and redo it, just him and his guitar. He added a stanza to the chorus:

My bluebird, my bluebell  
Come back to me  
Come back to the love you know  
Under the mistletoe

At the last minute, he put those lines right at the end, to finish the song. The brass at EMI heard it, loved it and went crazy with the idea that they could press it in time to vie for a slot in the Christmas chart. They'd fallen all over themselves to get Ross into Abbey Road Studios and have it recorded immediately. Today he was to be filmed twice, in two different parts of the studio, just in case the song blew up as the label anticipated and they needed to air the song again for the Christmas episode.

It was artifice, but it was not false. The lip sync of the song had to be convincing even though everyone knew it wasn't live. Ross was nervous but he desperately wanted to win Demelza's heart back. He'd stopped his brief relapse into drug use and heavy drinking and she had returned to Nampara. But they were still struggling to fix their relationship. They were uneasy with each other and he never helped things by retreating into his old habits of temperament that were alienating to her. Ross could not reassure her that his love was true, for he had committed adultery with his former girlfriend Elizabeth. It rang hollow to speak of love to Dem, having behaved so badly. So Ross soon found it easier not to try, not to speak of his love. The embarrassment of betraying Demelza's trust, needing to take responsibility for breaking their trust, paradoxically, made it harder for Ross and inhibited him. The cursed constriction of his tongue, the curse of his inability to express himself. Demelza needed that reassurance and wanted to hear him tell her 'I love you' and be able to believe it. God knows she had reason to doubt sometimes. The hard times they'd lived through were made harder by Ross closing himself off. His shame in having repaid all of her love and support by acting out, and breaking their marriage vow left him cowed and he burrowed deeper into himself. Saying he was sorry was easy, persuading Demelza he loved her after their estrangement was hard. Why should she believe it? It was a problem that consumed him ever since she and Jeremy returned from London. How could he break out of all his morbid habits of temperament and make things right between them? A song. He could tell her in a song. He could tell her in front of all of England he loved her and was sorry and wanted to mend her heart.

The first taping began. He stood holding his black Gibson and mimed the words. He wore a close fitting black tee shirt and black jeans with his black riding boots boots, polished to a shine that would rival the most fastidious royal guardsman. He looked very handsome but also had the air of a penitent about him. He cut an extremely romantic figure. At the end of that take, he noticed that some of the girls in the audience did not applaud. Ross was put off by this. 'Was it not to their taste?' he wondered. In this, Ross misread their temperament. Many of the girls who saw Ross perform 'Thy Sweetness' that day were absolutely floored to the point where they didn't even clap, just stood fizzing and sparking with the excitement of the romance of it all. 'If only a man would sing to me that way...' they thought.

For the second take, Ross was perched on a stool. He was disconcerted to see the floor managers placing the girls who seemed the least interested in the front of the platform. Ross wondered if it was to keep them out of the camera's view, still not realizing that the girls were besotted and the Top Of The Pops producers were eager to have all these enthusiastic girls in the shot. Ross noticed some couples in the crowd, behind the rows of young girls making ready to slow dance. Ross stopped tying to figure out what the floor managers wanted as they directed the audience. This one would air on Christmas day, if it was necessary, and it was important that he seem as natural as possible in this very unnatural situation. He closed his eyes as he waited for all around him to be organized. He might have been asleep to look at him. He was trying to center himself. Thinking of Dem and how much he wanted her to see he was sorry and, though he could not turn back the clock, could not erase the hurt he caused her, he wanted to return to her. He wanted to be her Ross again and have his Dem back. Ross felt he was in the midst of the last gamble, if Dem failed to be moved by his Christmas present, if he could not thaw the chill in her heart towards him, he could not see how to change tack and find another way. If EMI was to be believed, 'Thy Sweetness' would, at the very least, be a Top 5 single and be broadcast Christmas day. Ross opened his eyes and watched the final, frantic effort of the floor crew get things organized. Ross exhaled and gave one last prayer to God or Pagan Britain or the unblinking universe that held the Earth in it's grasp, 'please Dem...know that I love you...'

As Ross ran through the song a second time, the Top Of The Pops producers and floor managers and the EMI people in attendance were becoming excited. Wrangling kids to look like they were having a wonderful time in an exciting TV program when, in reality, there was much standing around waiting and boring dead space as they set up to film the performances was very hard work. These two performances had the entire audience's enraptured attention and the girls positively swooned with their enjoyment of it. They waited with baited breath as the most love struck girls were brought forward, three deep. People who had arrived as couples needed little persuading to slow dance together and their ranks were enlarged by pairing some dancers together who didn't even know each other to dance during the next take. The room had an atmosphere like the new year's countdown, everyone drawn into this web of romance. The song had all the makings of a Christmas Number One. The audience reaction was enough for a BBC producer to turn to an EMI representative and say, "This song is going to be a monster hit..."

Well, it was done. The label and the BBC were very encouraging, but isn't that what they would say anyway, to anyone? Ross was not sure if he could bear to watch himself when it aired. He would return to Nampara tomorrow. He had told Dem, not untruthfully, that he had to speak to people at EMI. This brief space between them was probably a good thing. In truth, Ross set his plan into motion about recording 'Thy Sweetness' earlier in the month when Demelza's friend Malcolm came to visit them at Nampara. Ross stayed behind and watched Malcolm and Demelza walk off the lunch they'd eaten with Jeremy and Garrick running free in the Long Field. She had been happy to greet her friend and it was a stark contrast to the quiet misery they'd struggled through since she came back from London. He thought, as he watched them chatting and seeing Demelza so relaxed that he needed a grand gesture to win her back. Something so unlike his regular behavior that she would see how serious he was about his contrition. The love was still there, he felt. It had just been obscured by life for a while. A life he'd tarnished with his mistakes. Well, Ross thought, I'm clean again, I'm sober again and she gave me that second chance. She wanted it to work when she took Jeremy to the London flat. She wanted to return. She wanted Ross to repair himself and their life. It was up to him to prove her trust in him now was not in vain. Before Ross left London, he bought Christmas presents for Jeremy. He also bought a box of green and gold Christmas crackers, candy, nuts and chocolates as well as extra lights for their tree. He wanted, with all his heart, to have a happy Christmas with his little family. He tried, as hard as he could to give Demelza a Christmas present grand enough to make up for all the hurt he'd caused her. He still slept in the library. Ross wanted Demelza, badly, but he knew he hadn't the right to press the issue. He forfeited that right when he slept with Elizabeth. Unvoiced to Ross, Demelza would not dare speak her fears aloud, was a morbid fear of being compared to Elizabeth. He had now had sex with both of them. She was frightened that Ross might have preferred Elizabeth. She worried over it, worried that she was simply a sheltered girl, out of her depth. She had only ever been with Ross, was she someone he had taught love to but was not truly skilled? Not a sophisticated, posh girl...not a love so all consuming he'd set his wedding vow aside to have her, his dream girl...was she just a well meaning kid he'd been lumbered with? Could Ross come back to common clay after having his heart's desire, finally? It made Dem withdrawn and barred them from the final step they needed to take if they were truly going to mend. It left them in a sad stalemate that colored their life in grey tones. She still could not bring herself to restore Ross to their bed. She was depressed and nervous over it. He walked through the festive London streets, seemingly no different to the other shoppers carrying their holiday provisions. But, unlike the others, Ross had an almost childlike faith in these presents and sweets, these tokens of the season. He needed them to be the magic portals that made Christmas special. He needed to believe that what magic lay behind the season would not fail him. As he walked on with his shopping he held the fervent hope that he would would have his Christmas wish come true. That they be made whole again. That he bring Demelza back to wife, this woman who'd grown into his life and into his heart. That they find their way back to each other. Each day he went through deprived of her love was killing him.

December 1975

Ross drove to purchase their tree three days before Christmas. He had taken Dem and Jeremy out to Santa's Grotto and a Winter Fair, in Truro, when the first Top Of The Pops performance aired so they would be too exhausted to watch as they usually did. Jinny and Jud and Prudie were sworn to secrecy. He pinned his hopes on the single charting high enough to have it air the second time on Christmas day. He did not need to worry. In the run up to Christmas, EMI was ecstatic because the single, simply clad in a green paper sleeve with 'Thy sweetness' printed in white, Old English lettering, with a black and white photograph of a sprig of holly and mistletoe and the original Resurgam album version as its B-side, was flying out of the shops.

As he drove, he considered how things had improved between the three of them. Jeremy seemed to hug him more and trot next to him, wanted to spend time together. Ross could see that death of his first child, Julia, had interfered with his relationship with Jeremy. He did keep a subtle distance with Jeremy, frightened by the idea he would taint the boy. Ross found it difficult to shake the dread over the continual loss he suffered and felt, irrationally, that loving Jeremy 'too much' might make the capricious force in the world that took his brother, his parents and his daughter remove his son as well. It was not fair on the boy and Ross was trying to change. Ross was trying. One thing Ross could not do was turn back time and stop the calamity of May from happening. But Dem had given him a second chance, for all his sleeping with Elizabeth hurt her, for all his descent into drugs and alcohol shocked her, she still wanted the marriage to work. He bought their small tree, about five feet high ,very full and well proportioned, and a paper bag full of mistletoe at a tree stand set up before one entered the High Street. As he tied the tree to the top of the car, he heard 'Thy Sweetness' come on the radio playing in the lean to where he paid for the tree. He watched a young couple kiss when they heard it. The young man holding their tree to one side as he put his arm around her and they pressed their foreheads together lovingly afterward. Ross drove home with renewed hope, lighthearted for a change. After so many months of lonely dreariness and so many weeks of difficulties, Ross was returning to a warm house full of delicious Christmas scents, his little boy excited for Christmas and being back with his papa and Demelza, who still loved him, who seemed to smile more often now, who still remained out of reach but was less gloomy. Perhaps Christmas really could bring them together again...

Ross set their tree in the corner of the parlor. He would later put it, in pride of place, against the far wall, between the windows and the two antique settees, still occupying the room from the 18th century. The house was warm and smelled of mince pies and gingerbread. Demelza came from the kitchen to find Jeremy on Ross' knee on the sofa, reading to him from a story book. She smiled as they looked up at her, their smiles so similar. Ross had made much more effort to spend time with Jeremy and mend their relationship. She and Ross were both trying harder. They declined all their Christmas invitations and would spend a quiet Christmas at home. On Christmas eve, Ross and Dem trimmed the tree. Jeremy played with toys on the floor nearby. When it was finished and lit, they sat on the floor by it, all three together. They ate treats and admired the tree in the firelight and the flickering candles that Demelza had placed around the room. Jeremy flit from one parent's lap to the other and laughed and enjoyed being cuddled and joked with and teased about what Father Christmas might be doing as he readied himself to give all the good little boys and girls their presents and eating as many cookies as he liked, in the strange multicolored light cast by the tree until he grew sleepy and Ross carried him upstairs to bed. Ross returned. They both knew he would retire to the library, but they sat on the sofa and spent time before hand in an embrace. Ross and Dem did not speak. The silence between them was not negative. It restored certain aspects of their relationship. Ross knew he could ask to come back to their bed and Dem might say yes. Ross held her, felt no tautness in her, but he knew it was still there. It was up to Dem to allow that last step. If he asked, and she allowed his return before she healed her misgivings, before she was ready, their reconciliation would be ashes. He kissed her hair, bid her goodnight and went to bed. Dem sat a moment longer before she unplugged the tree lights and went to bed herself. She felt movements of warmth in her heart where she had not expected to have feeling again.

Christmas morning, Ross and Demelza brought an excitable Jeremy into the parlor to see what Father Christmas had brought. There was a set of many building blocks, a football, new picture books, a large box of crayons and a thick pad of blank paper, nearly as big as Jeremy himself. As their son merrily scribbled on his pad Ross pulled Dem on his lap and, having looked each other in the eye and come to unspoken agreement, kissed her. She wound herself around him and hugged him tightly. Ross could feel a tear trickle down his neck, but it was a tear of joy rather than despair.  
"Merry Christmas, my love."  
They remained that way for some time.

Ross and Jeremy, wearing the paper crowns from their crackers were working on a jigsaw puzzle together as Demelza laid the table for their Christmas lunch. They had a small turkey surrounded by little sausages and tiny baked onions, with mashed potatoes and gravy, brussel sprouts, roasted carrots and soft bread rolls. They put on their coats afterwards and walked Jeremy, hand in hand, across the Long Field. There was no snow but the nip in the air was welcome refreshment after the meal. They returned to the house. They ate mince pies and far too much chocolate. Ross and Dem watched, amused, as Jeremy played with the colored foil wrappers. They were crumpled into balls and split into two teams. Ross, Demelza and Jeremy were obliged to eat certain colors to fill their ranks. Ross and Dem drank their tea and watched their son enjoy Christmas. They watched each other enjoy Christmas, tentatively finding their way back to each other's love, knowing that they were both trying to make things work. That was the best present Ross could have given her, but Demelza was unaware one present remained.

Jeremy was put to bed and, as Dem moved to leave the room, quietly, she noticed that Ross had left mistletoe hanging in the doorway to Jeremy's room. She smiled. Ross was waiting in the parlor for her and as she went through the house she realized that Ross had hung mistletoe in every doorway! She giggled as she entered the parlor. "Judas, Ross! We won't get anywhere for kissing if you have your way!" Ross looked at her and smiled. He patted the cushion next to him, on the sofa facing the TV rather than the one facing the hearth. She joined him on the sofa. Top of The Pops had begun but, because she put Jeremy to bed, she had not heard the list of performers. They curled up together. Ross stole kisses throughout the program as they drank their port and brandy. Demelza popped a chocolate into Ross' mouth and was about to reach for another. She looked at the television screen and froze, for the presenter said:

"One of the most romantic Christmas singles we've heard for some time and destined to be Number One this week, Ross Poldark is here to perform 'Thy Sweetness'!"

Dem sat up straight and her mouth fell open. Ross put his arm around her and hid his face on her shoulder. He was too nervous to watch himself and too nervous to watch her reaction. Ross' eyes practically burned through the television screen as he sang, not to the audience of love struck girls, not to the thousands of people all over the United Kingdom watching in their homes, but to Dem. Ross sat on a tall stool, like a troubadour, playing his black Gibson and sang to his wife, his dear, his very dear Demelza. Dem watched, enrapt and felt out to grasp Ross' hand, unable to look away. Ross linked their fingers and he closed his eyes. He held his breath, he waited to see if Dem would give him the chance to make amends and let him love her once more. He swallowed down his fear, he waited. By the time he sang 'my bluebird, my bluebell', Dem started to cry. The silver scroll pattern around the guitar's soundhole reflected the colored lights of the Top of The Pops studio in a similar manner to the way the lights of their tree shone on it as well as the mother of pearl flowers on her twelve string next to it, on their stands, side by side. She whimpered as she looked at their guitars across the room, through the glaze of tears, smearing her vision, she heard the applause of the Top Of The Pops audience, she felt Ross squeeze her hand, and his warmth at her side. She wanted to try again. She wanted to say so but she could not speak. Ross looked into her face and wiped her tears away with his fingers. They looked at one another and he said, simply, "I love you, Demelza."  
He stood, gathered her up in his arms and carried her upstairs. At each doorway they passed, in the silent witness of the mistletoe, he kissed her mouth, gently. When they reached their bedroom, he laid her down on the bed and slowly, reverently, undressed her. Ross stepped away from the bed and removed his clothes. He crawled towards Demelza from the foot of the bed and drew himself over her. Dem closed her eyes. She opened them once more when she felt a warm droplet fall on her cheek. Ross looked at Demelza intently, almost shy. He blinked away the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. She looked up, past him, and saw the final sprig of mistletoe, hanging up over both of them in the canopy of their bed. Dem took a ragged breath that was half a laugh and half a sob as she looked back into Ross' face. He awaited her permission, more vulnerable looking than she had ever seen him before. She took his face in her hands and nodded as she said, "Yes."

When a Christmas tree becomes dry, they are highly flammable. The resinous needles and lack of moisture make it possible for a chance spark to set it ablaze in a matter of seconds. Much like the scant seconds of time that would see a dry tree engulfed in flames, the Poldarks, who had been so long apart returned to each other with an immediacy born from each of their love flowing forward after being denied movement for so long. They lay all their defenses down. They leapt at the chance to prove to themselves and each other that their love was real and remained so, even after so much pain.

At dawn, on Boxing Day, the Poldarks slept. Ross held Dem close as they lay facing each other at the center of their bed. His dark curls and her red curls mussed and mixed about both pillows as their heads fit together, just so. As their bodies fit together, just so. And their hearts. Their hearts, so worn and bruised and estranged were now fit together, just so. Mended with Christmas Spirit and beating in unison.

"

**Author's Note:**

> I Believe In Father Christmas, Greg Lake 1975  
This was the actual Christmas single of 1975. It went as high as number two on the UK charts, kept out of the top spot by Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"
> 
> EMI Recording Studios, where Resurgam and Dem recorded 'Valley Of Bread' in 1968 and Abbey Road are the same place. EMI formally changed the name of 'EMI Recording Studios' to 'Abbey Road Studios' in 1970, after the success of The Beatles' 'Abbey Road' album. I like to think that Ross and Dem stole a kiss in the middle of the zebra crossing, holding their guitar cases with Ned yelling at them from the pavement to stop all that snogging and get across the street.
> 
> football-soccer ball
> 
> "Ross felt he was in the midst of the last gamble" 'The Last Gamble' was the original 1955 title of Winston Graham's 'Warleggan'
> 
> Ross Poldark - The Renegade  
Demelza Poldark - Elizabeth's Story  
Jeremy Poldark - Venture once More  
Warleggan - The Last Gamble
> 
> The Black Moon, written in the 70s, and the rest of the Poldark books after it had no alternate titles.


End file.
